AXN KL City Challenge ( Nomad Adventure team, you do guys do a great job, Yuen Lee,you go girl! )

So I was looking forward to this race coz I had an awesome time last year, did all kinds of stuff that you couldn’t normally do…like Tyrolean Traverse across Sungai (river) Klang, abseil down the KTM building, lie on Uncle Mike, my hot ex-team mate…hahah..i doubt you’ll see this, but if you do…it’s a JOKE. We finished 4th out of all the mixed teams which was not bad at all, seeing as we thought we were just gonna goof off most of the race.

This time round, I had no choice but to goof off. I had trouble finding team mates, and ended up with two English Math teachers from an international school in Kl… I had never met either of them, and anticipated what they’d be like..

Mia: I hope they’re hot..
Lainie : With your luck, old, fat and balding Indian dude (nothing racist, I just seem to be their cup of tea) with a British accent.

Mia: I hope their hot..
Mum : The least of your worries.
Mia : But I wonder if their hot, and will carry me out, should I accidentally (or deliberately) fall… Hahhaha…(I’m sure I could have set it up)
Mum : You should be hoping they are fit and experienced..

Well who ever said Mum knows best…definitely wasn’t kidding…DAMN..i hate it when she’s right..
Both team mates 30 ish…too old,1 married. Hotnest now becomes irrelevant, and I start to worry about the race…

Team mate 1 : not sure if he looked more like he was Armish or from the Taliban. Nice enough bloke, with either the worse case of cramps or the best talent for acting ( oscar award winning, you should have heard the yelps, and seen the dramatic falls.. ) I was amazed…also a tad relieved I wasn’t the weakest link.

Team mate 2 : No complaints, cool dude.

I didn’t really care about winning, but it was a bit of a wasted effort. We took so long, coz team mate No 1, would plop himself down and refuse to move, and whine until he was ready or got worried that we were gonna leave him behind. I should have known that was inevitable after we lost him 2 seconds after the start. Shattered were my hopes of impressing Maurice Lucouix( can’t spell that) , coz I wanted to be on their team, and wasn’t picked.

Comments from people after we finally crossed the finish line:
“We were gonna send a search party”…Hahaha..not funny
“Can’t believe you got lost”…we didn’t…NOT Funny

Both had a good sense of humour which made the race bearable.

Mystery test, where we all had to climb over each other:

Mia: I can’t believe I’m gonna have all your body weight on top of me.
Team mate No1 : Some girls wouldn’t complain..
Team mate No 2 ( I love you for this ) : Some girls are paid..
Ouch..haha

Mystery test 2, required me alone to eat a spoonful of live wriggling worms..
Both team mates : We’ll have some too…
haha,retards… but very cool..

Worms actually taste nice.. I wonder about the nutritional value though.

Abseiling down the world’s tallest flagpole at Dataran Merdeka :
I volunteered to do this, because I so wanted to be able to say I did it, I shut the little voice inside my head that was whispering, “you are afraid of heights !” up.. a slight mistake..

Climbing up the ladder inside the flagpole was fucking nerve wrecking, and my arms were about to give way anytime. When I finally got up, set up the abseil device, and climbed over the bar, I turned into a whimpering baby..

Hero Safety man( who I honestly think couldn’t do his job any better and who I’m eternally grateful to) : It’s ok, I’ve got you..
Mia: No, I don’t think I can let go…I’ll fall..
H.S.M : You won’t…I’ve got you..
Mia : Are you sure?
H.S.M : yes…just let go…(in the softest voice) I’ve got your safety rope.

In my head, I saw you tie that, it’s like a little knot you learn at girl guides, do you have any idea how much I weigh?? Ain’t gonna hold MR!!! Lunatic !!! I look at my rope, I would fall 10 inches before I’m actually hanging in the harness, it’s too long, I know this.

Mia : shorten my rope, SHORTEN it…then I’ll let go.
H. S.M : Ok ok..
Mia: Ok..ok..i’m gonna let go now..NO, I can’t..

I was third time lucky..and finally let go to everyones relieve. ARRgghh….it was the scariest thing being on the edge and holding on for dear life with one hand. On the way down, my mind was like a flashing like lighting..

Image of me letting go,and falling to my death.
Image of harness breaking, and me falling to my death.
Image of me from the clouds looking down at my smashed up body..(Hahah, I actually thought I was going to heaven, I must have been scared shitless)

I’m sorry I went on and on, it was an ordeal that I got through and I’m proud of myself. It was really hard for me…at the bottom, my fingers were burning through the gloves coz I had been so tense. What an ordeal.

Now what does a girl do to relax after a hard days work? GO CLUBBING!!!

Lainie : You want to go home right? You’re tired…lets go back to ipoh..
Mia: Hell NO!!! I’m gonna shake my bootie!

Ok, this time I really bit off more than I could chew.

Mental note: 11th commandment: Thou shall not try to be superwoman..

All I did was sit on my arse the whole night…and baby sit sweet drunk JOSIE a.k.a Aunty Pussy (coined by her nieces, clever, we relish in using it in public as loudly as possible) who wanted to walk all over Bangsar with me tailing her like a dogue.

NO REGRETS…bloggers you made my night..
I met Hayden, the shuffler from a video I had downloaded online..Fucking awesome!!

My faith has been restored in bloggers..

Mia : Blah blah blah, what’s your name again?
Hayden : Hayden
Synaps in my brain..hayden? hmm?Video..SHUFFLER.. Omigod!!!It’s him..
Mia : Shit…I said I was gonna marry you..(oops..it just came out,need to learn how to keep my mouth shut)
Hayden : Haha, now that you’ve seen me, not anymore huh?

I was stumped so I just mumbled my way out of it…

Mia: Er,no …you’d be freaked out if I still did.. I’m just a sucker for Melbourne Shufflers..
Way to go Mia…Great Save.

ANYWAY, I’ve found someone..PETE SHERRY..
He’s the man..
And definitely deserves a mention..
He’s not just someone…he’s amazing. And makes me wanna sing despicable love tunes all day long. I’m lucky..things are still in early stages, but we’ll see how it goes, so far..it’s all GOOOOOooooddddDDDDD…

Gotta run…CAmmacho, my darling cat just coughed out a hairball on the dinning table.Sometimes I just want to barbeque her!!GGGGgrrr

SMS is a funny thing…you gotta be real careful.

Me: Mum says you sound nice, but you better not hurt me, or she’ll cut of your balls and fry em.
Pete: I won’t, I’m keeping my balls. I might make you scream..but that’s about it.

By this time, my phone was in the hands of Lainie and Vanessa. They read it, giggled, didn’t reply.

Pete: Sorry that was lame.
Nessa and Lainie : We thought so too, but Daph would like it..

Pete suffered the consequences of smsing.

I too have been a victim of my own smsing flaws..

Here is what NOT to do if you’re ever trying to get off work :

No.1. Don’t try to be too clever, as I’ve experienced myself. Trying too hard to make things look real can get messy and back fire in a dangerous way. Below is a true story for your learning benefit.

Call Nadia: (Boss called Sani’s girlfriend, my friend, mum’s friend) : Hey, I’ve got an allergy, my face just broke out..really bad..what do I do?? Oh, shit..i can’t make it to work today..

Call Boss Sani : Repeat the same story.

Here’s where the plan failed..Note:
NO. 2. Don’t try to cover your tracks absent mindedly.

SMS mum : Skipping work today, don’t tell anyone, especially Nadia..

Beep beep(that’s so annoying anyway)
MESSAGE SENT TO NADIA
Arrghh..the horror washed over me and I felt my body become warm, the sort of feeling that you get when you know you’re in trouble, when you know you’ve dug your own grave, when you know you’re going down….(waves white flag in the air)

NO. 3. NEVER SMS
You getting my drift?? SMSing is the most evil thing in the world.
Wish I could elaborate.

Gotta go, Lainie, guilty of being the queen of SMS ( I’m trying to sleep when …beep beep…Lainie: GAN BEI!!! )…is here.
Here’s a tip people, wanna get me…dial the numbers and SPEAK…it ain’t that hard. Smsing has many times been the cause of me closely crashing into things, via car or body, mainly because I can’t multitask. So be nice, if you love me, Call ME.

nah, don't feel like it...

laters

Here's the thing about the boys and i...we make plans,and break em all the time...So it's no fucking suprise that after we agreed on going to pangkor...we ended up in Perhentian Island (Stop Island ?)

Outside Shabri's mini mart, Ipoh Garden East,picking up some snacks for our small 1 1/2 hour journey:

Daph: I ain't going to pangkor..i know the curve of the beach like the back of my hand.Lets go somewhere new....lets go to perhentian or tioman..

Jaya's eyes start to sparkle.

Twins look confused...nothing new. Nessa too, nothing new again!!

Meghan: NO! Be practical,we gotta be back on Sunday...How about Penang?

Jaya,Twins and Daph in unison : NO!

Meghan's been love struck you see, and was simply trying to drag us there so that he could get some lovin from his island girl...

And so after a loud debate, we opted for Perhentian..hhaha..i love getting my way! Drove to the traffic lights...

Green...Er, Which way?

Thanks to a few phone calls, we gathered some rough info on the direction we had to head in..

AND THEY'RE OFF!!BEEPPPPPPPPPPpppppppppppppp

We weren't detered by fact that it would take 6 hours, or the fact that we didn't know the way, nor that there were 6 of us to be squashed into SpeeDy Gonzales Yeo (my kelisa). With spirits high( only because we didn't know any better), with headed off into the great unknown like true adventurers....Some idiot managed to quote someone famous....Ah, my moment of wisdom...

"IT IS NOT SO MUCH ABOUT THE DESTINATION, BUT THE JOURNEY THAT TAKES YOU THERE"

If only we knew what we were getting ourselves into..it was all good at first...

It was a beautiful journey, through many kampungs (villages), with cool green jungle on both sides, a bit of rain, a bit of sun, lots of sing along songs like OOo Baby i love your way, Bad to the bone,I believe in a thing called love, Kill Bill's I'm Blue, Hey girl, Hey Boy... etc. It was almost as if we weren't 6 in a kelisa, and all 56kg's of NEssa wasn't on my lap.

That didn't last very long..she just became heavier and heavier,thank God for the constant swapping..

It was definitely a wicked road trip...we went past the vast Lake Banding. There was an island in the middle that we had to cross and come out from on two identical looking bridges..

Daph: Aren't we on the same bridge?Just different side of the road?
Meghan: stupid fuck, we'd be going back if this was the same one...
Daph: I dunno...it looks the same..

Then there was the need for speed tunnel...

Then there was the sign for chicken's crossing

Than there was the sign for slightly bigger ELEPHANTs Crossing...
at which point i could contain my excitement no longer..so i did what i do best, stuck my head out the window, looking for them, and when i didn't see any,i called out to my fellow mamals...ELEPHANTES?EleFanTES??

It was all a joke of course but there's something very appealing about sticking your head out the window of a speeding car, screaming at the top of your lungs and letting the wind pound your face till it's all tingly even when when you're back inside... HIGHLY RECOMMENDED...

We stopped in some pretty rural areas to top up on fuel and food..Getting out of the car was always tricky, we were all tangled up in the back seat, people might have thought we were a mini mobile orgy.

One stop was on top off a hill, at a look out point, where only a few lonely truckers stopped and where they advertised Tongkat Ali ( herbal version of Viagra) like it was the best drug ever...who they kidding? E clearly is,second to el WEEDo. The photo's in the ad's were disturbing,old wrinkly men smiling with their Tongkat Ali Coffee..yucks...

But gross posters aside, it was a pleasant rest area overlooking a valley,where the weather was ,as Navin put it in his English accent:

"like a chilly London afternoon"

and the people were nice..The burger woman even recognised us on the way home. Probably coz we were notably united,in the smallest ways...

Ordering drinks:
Jaya: warm Milo
B. Woman : ok 1 milo
Navin: Milo
B. Woman : ok 2 milo
Arvin: Er, Milo
Nessa: Er.....Milo
Daph: I can't decide, nescafe...no no...make that a milo
Meghan: Kak bagi 6 milo..

Needless to say we all had burgers to keep the tradition going.

Burger woman on the way back commented:

' Well you guys were alot chirpier on the way there' ; )

No shit, that was before booze, weed, sun and an extra 3 hours in the car with me and nessa farting on each other. I love my sister, but i don't love her that much...it was full on, with vibration too...but it's all good!!MUahhahahhaha...i got my turn.

MINI INTERCEPTION
Yes boys, chicks fart...and while we're on the topic...we shit, burp, have smelly feet, hairy armpits...the reality is cruel..
______________________________________________________

That's why my guy friends are the best. They know this...they've been trained..so any ladies wanna get with any of them? I'm sure they'll be real grateful,er.. i mean happy..They are AMOGES!!!(read Nessa's blog to find out more about this multiple purpose word, and SA, i believe it was spelt this way!)

Oh....and then there was a sign...

5 KM THAILAND

Daph: TURN TURN TURN
Navin: Yes
Meghan aka ASSY DRIVER : NO!!
DAPH: Damn it...if only i were taller,and entitled to drive, we'd be headin to Thailand, and you guys would be enjoying the hollers of ' 10 dollar i give you good time!' Bloody practical people!

Who would have guessed that fucking thailand was nearer than our destination.The thought of going to thailand did briefly cross my mind outside Shabri's mini mart, but i kept it quiet after coming to the conclusion that none of them had border passes and i thought it was further. If only my grasp of Malaysian geography was better,if only i had paid attention in Puan Teh's classes, i would have opened my mouth and taken an extra 20 mins getting everyone border passes....

So we passed the sign board....all eyes remained fixated on it, even a hundred meters after...hopes shattered as we saw it fade into the distance...(oh, the drama)

so close yet so far..it was painful.Painful because i so wanted one last thailand experience before i leave this region, which is Thursday.

But in the true spirit of fun loving spontaneous people, we all were still excited to be going to Perhentian..

And boy was it worth it! The water was perfect, everything was. It was like a chilled out version of Thailand...white folks everywhere, little wooden huts for accomodation, not so much partying unfortunately,but hey, if you had cash...it was definitely good enough.

We arrived like a bunch of hill billy's....over excited about everything. It was hard not to be..I could just hear the other tourists who were already there saying under their breath....

Bloody newcomers...disturbing the peace..

Bet they did the same! Managed to find a hut for 25 bucks a night..
2 single beds~ 6 people...yeah..we'd manage,no probs.

Unsurprisingly, the following two nights we spent there involved alot of bickering, elbowing, kicking, and me eventually sleeping on the floor. Saw that coming...absolutely no complains...

After dumping our bags, we did a baywatch run into the crystal clear waters, and stayed there till nightfall,then we skinny dipped underneath the stars..

I LOVE SKINNY DIPPING.....it's liberating.

The guys were a bit worried that fish would come and bite their peckers off..No big lost there guys...: )

Here, have more alcohol for balls...yes,the drinking had begun. Dinner was on the sand, on little short candle lit tables. Over dinner, the conversation turned to El WEEDo..maybe coz Uncle BOB was playing in the background everywhere...Wouldn't it be nice??....

Jaya: I have a small amount.

That took care of dessert..And a few hours later, the crew was DNS, Drunk N Stoned

Navin:Look at the ripples in the sand...doesn't it look like finger prints?
Daph: Yeah, God put his fingerprints on earth, as like a copy right..so that other Gods can't duplicate it..Which means maybe other planets have different Gods...like Mars would have a different GOd, and Pluto would have their own God. And each planet is has their on form of life that's like no other, coz it's all copy righted...
Navin: What???
Daph: huh? It makes sense...
Navin: YOu're talking crap..
Daph: It made sense...never mind


Running on the beach, i vaguely see Jaya sticking his leg out to trip me..Jamming the breaks i shout:

' No macha, No macha, NO!'

Bang!!.i somehow fell backwards on my butt...although i'm very aware that i was suppose to fall forwards.HMMM...it's a mystery.

So that disgusto mundo shower they insisted i had to take (bloody clean metrosexuals ! ) was a waste of time coz i got sand everywhere anyway.I opted for no shower the next day...Aahh..That's the way to go.

The following day was one flawless day, i felt so lucky. The sun was shinning , water shimmering, the eagle was flying...actually it wasn't...it was sitting on the beach.Apparently it broke it's wing and has become a permanent resident, a bit off a shame, but he seems to like showing off and posing for the cameras. Nevertheless,even for the flightless eagle, Life was GOOD. Couldn't get any better, and i just felt really grateful. So i made the mistake of telling the boys my slightly deep emotions....and of course got a lot of flak for that..

Jaya(immitating me): Oh, boys thank you for coming with me.It's so beautiful..Boooo hooo...

Hmmm,i forget sometimes that i'm travelling with the boys, and keeping their company means strictly no mentioning anything slightly mushy...OR YOU WILL PAY...coz small elephants don't forget...HAHAHA..serve you boys right.

And it also means that the cheesy fun sounds of Bananarama 'Love in the first degree' and Barry Manilow ' Copacabana' are no where to be heard....Damn...JOSIE? RACHEL?? LAINES?? RISHA??? the fuckers skipped our anthems....disPECKERble!!(geddit? CHEESY TACO STRIKES AGAIN.

Anyways, fell off me chair watching Arvin try to sit in his after nessa had pulled it away. He was busy impersonating someone, got up and did some candid dance....and the sat right down into the ground!!DUMB CLONE!

Next night i was so up for a party, all tanned up and happy....BUT dammit, we were out of funds. We had rationed just enough for the trip back and dinner, and a little booze..but nessa and i had decided to sneak a banana milkshake and fried rice while the boys were playing footie.

NAvin: If you two didn't go overspend, we'd have enough for a beer!
Daph: But we were hungry....u guys ate our lunch..

but i knew right then that had this been survivor,i would have been voted out . And i seriously regretted it myself...

Also, that wouldn't have happened if they had allowed Nessa to play footie with them. We both did initially and had a great laugh, Jaya copped one in the balls..Then these big boys came, so i knew they were gonna play seriously. Nessa being the dumb fuck she insisted on playing..

Nessa: Can i play..?
Jaya : Sure
Navin: Just stand a bit further back
Arvin: More
Meghan: Ok,now you stand there..

Nessa was behind the goal post, outside of playing grounds of course but she didn't even realise it...so she stood there for quite a while before realising that she wasn't in the game, unless of course she were a linesman...hahhaha

Failing to be included in football,we went to spend money on food..

And that's how we were short for the night. But we did have a great dinner on a wooden balcony, with pretty friendly people...We finished our booze (THANKS LAINIE FOR THE BOOZE!!!) and were already eyeing the EL GRASSO at the sitting area...The hunt was over...we had found some...now..to ask.

When it came to asking, i have no idea why we were so hesistant and waited so long..especially since throughout the day we had comtemplated plans and practiced the line ' Do you have any weed on you?' numerous times.

Some of the plans the boys wanted to ochestrate that were not put into action were..

Jaya: Daphne, you see that guy with Rasta Hair....ok..you go over there and suck his dick..then ask the magic question...

Say it with me people....

Do you have any weed on you?(don't forget the british accent)

It started Raining..so plan two was that Navin was gonna pretend to get struck by lightning..and in his dying seconds, request some weed..He actually jumped in the air, shaking like he had be electrocuted..and landed in the water...It was all very gay looking...hahahaha..like his finger nails that Nessa had painted on the way there...and his arm where i had written i love PENIS after he'd accepted the membership of the PEN 15 club (PEN15 = PENIS)

Other tactics were....

Navin: Nessa, that guy is checking out your ass...go ask him.

or sometimes we would sing...

'A friend in need is a friend in deed, a friend with weed is better'

notoriously loud...and once the beacon had been sent....we'd stick our heads up....looking for anyone who would have looked up in interest..Boris..We decided to name him boris...anyone who looked suspiciously guilty off having weed and not sharing.they were all named Boris...

We did ask some locals,but everyone was very...no no no about it...BUt finally, here at dinner, we had found BORIS...it was AMOGES!!!

Yes, BORIS was the man....he played the guitar,sang pink floyd and gave us....EL WEEDO..Hahaha...all that hard work paid off..Apparently, they don't sell it, but just give it out to whoever asks, very love all....

Haha...i predict, i see... u hard core weeders flocking to Perhentian now..actually...no..because nobody reads my blog...hahaahaha..oh well...SERVE YOU RIGHT AR! (as chinaman as possible)

I'm still abit bummed coz after dinner, there was a bar playing great music, and people actually finally dancing...we were asleep but i hate to miss a good party so i woke everyone up to go check it out....

YOU're MY Brown Eyed GIRL!!

Daph:I wanna dance !!!i wanna dance!!!Everyone get ready to go...hang on...no money...

So i proceeded to empty out all bags, wallets...everything..i counted 5 cent coins as well..We had RM 7.10 in coins...we were short of 90 cents...bugger!!That would buy 1 beer..Oh well...luckily the music died down soon after so didn't feel like i was missing out..

So us lucky poor folks still managed to have a great time at STOP ISLAND.Anywhere would have done it with the beautiful people i was with, but i have to say...I'm glad it was PERHENTIAN, the second superb malaysian island i been to besides REDANG....GO see what i mean people, it's a waste if you don't...this country has so much to offer...and 6 hours isn't that bad.We survived..

PLUS,there's plenty of road kill on the way to keep you entertained cats, dogs,goats, monitor lizards, monkeys,cows..Yup...we saw a huge bull, all four legs up in the air, stiff as hell...Imagine what a great post card pic that would have made....